General Mock Trial

Say your team takes 0 ballots in the first three trials and you enter your final round of competition with your game face... sort of. What sort of fun do you have?

Def. Closing: "Everything that guy just said is B.S. Thank You." (Joe Pesci style)

Say your team takes 0 ballots in the first three trials and you enter your final round of competition with your game face... sort of. What sort of fun do you have?

Def. Closing: "Everything that guy just said is B.S. Thank You." (Joe Pesci style)

That was actually his opening. He never gave a closing because the charges were dismissed.

There's a discussion on the matter here.

You have to play the closing game at least, that's for sure.

Come on the closing has to be the Chewbacca defense.

Chewbacca is a Wookie, but he lives on Endor.  This does not make sense.  If Chewbacca lives on Endor you must sentence Bobbi to probation, because this does not make sense.

Plus Chewie would make the best demonstrative ever.

Come on the closing has to be the Chewbacca defense.

Chewbacca is a Wookie, but he lives on Endor.  This does not make sense.  If Chewbacca lives on Endor you must sentence Bobbi to probation, because this does not make sense.

Plus Chewie would make the best demonstrative ever.

You mean witness.  Chewbacca would make the best witness ever.  Have a team mate walk into trial in a Chewbacca outfit.

Our 0-6 plan from the Tyler Perry case:

Our (female) Tyler Perry is rolled in the courtroom in a wheelchair.  "Your honor, how could she do it?  She can't walk!" 

Bailey's Cross:

Bailey, isn't it true you couldn't see who kidnapped you?
You just sawa  figure in the doorway?
Bailey, isn't it true that this is the figure you saw?  (Hold up a photograph of an alien standing in a doorway).

You would totally need the person to answer in yawns and get someone to dress up as Han Solo and translate for the court.

You mean witness.  Chewbacca would make the best witness ever.  Have a team mate walk into trial in a Chewbacca outfit.

Our 0-6 plan from the Tyler Perry case:

Our (female) Tyler Perry is rolled in the courtroom in a wheelchair.  "Your honor, how could she do it?  She can't walk!" 

Bailey's Cross:

Bailey, isn't it true you couldn't see who kidnapped you?
You just sawa  figure in the doorway?
Bailey, isn't it true that this is the figure you saw?  (Hold up a photograph of an alien standing in a doorway).
Your honor, w

This isn't an 0-6 incident, but I was reminded of it by the wheelchair bit.  The Ruel Ellis case was a little before my time.  One of the guys on our team who was there for Ruel Ellis was telling me a story about how he played the groundskeeper who saw Ruel Ellis lift a shovel and bring it down, striking the victim (I think that was what happened).  He would get down off the stand and go through the demonstration.  Anyway, in one round, the defendant was played by someone who only had one arm!  His attorney got around to the point where they were going to do the demonstration, and our guy stands up, pauses, tucks his left arm behind his back, and using his right arm, says, "he raised the shovel over his head like this ..."

Actually, I'd go all-out in the opening:

"May it please the court:

This case...is...fake.

The witnesses you're going to hear from today are not real people, the crimes you're going to hear about never happened, and the facts stipulated to by both sides are entirely fictional.

You see, judge, you are 'presiding' today over a 'MOCK trial.'  This means that, unlike typical sentencing hearings, the people arguing before you are not licensed practitioners before the bar, and the defendant has not actually been charged with a crime, because the defendant does not exist.  In fact, this entire proceeding is an elaborate hoax, without any grounding in actual jurisprudence.

Your honor, none of this is real.  None of it.  And that's why, at the end of this mock trial, my co-counsel will come before you and remind you that the stakes couldn't be lower, the facts couldn't be more fictional, and the outcome of your decision is completely irrelevant.  Thank you."

Okay first, that was genius. And if ever you make it to Kansas City, the first rounds' on me.

My 0-6 close involves 4 words people: Chuck Norris versus Superman!

Actually, I'd go all-out in the opening:

"May it please the court:

This case...is...fake.

The witnesses you're going to hear from today are not real people, the crimes you're going to hear about never happened, and the facts stipulated to by both sides are entirely fictional.

You see, judge, you are 'presiding' today over a 'MOCK trial.'  This means that, unlike typical sentencing hearings, the people arguing before you are not licensed practitioners before the bar, and the defendant has not actually been charged with a crime, because the defendant does not exist.  In fact, this entire proceeding is an elaborate hoax, without any grounding in actual jurisprudence.

Your honor, none of this is real.  None of it.  And that's why, at the end of this mock trial, my co-counsel will come before you and remind you that the stakes couldn't be lower, the facts couldn't be more fictional, and the outcome of your decision is completely irrelevant.  Thank you."

Only thing to improve it would be to add in the disclaimer

"This case is fictional, and any resemblance to any person, past or present, is purely coincidental."

idk, i think all good closers should say willy nilly. "bobbi campbell was stabbing people willy nilly until the officer stopped her"

My team is calling Don "Baby Powder" Juan if we wind up 0-6 this weekend.

i think all good closers should say willy nilly.

Higgledy-Piggledy would also be an amazing closing game phrase.

Also, our closer played the "meow" game during a scrimmage round last year and pwnd the plaintiff side 3-1.

So this year for 0-6 I wanted to have our opener lay out the witness lineup for the jury:  Haskins, Pat Cross, Mickey Skogan.  I'd love to see the reaction of the other team. 

In addition to calling Don "Baby Powder" Juan, Mr. Tweezy and I will be changing our theme to "One good stab deserves another." I'll begin my closing by lying on counsel table as though it were a chaise lounge, and then gradually begin removing articles of clothing as I explain to the jury why justice demands that Bobbi Campbell be given the death penalty. Something to the effect of "The defendant put a needle in Dawn Francis--Let's put three in the defendant."