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Thread: Ridiculous Quotes 2011-2012

  1. #141
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    quote from regionals as I was smith:

    CX: "Dr. Smith, you don't know if my client had diabetes do you?"
    "...actually I do. She doesn't. Its on the form I just showed you" (meaning the breath test operators report where it says diabetes: no)

    from scrimmage as lawrence: (which I read for the first time the night before)
    CX: "So you're only sure about 1 drink mr lawrence?
    "Well im 100percent sure about one, and...
    -cut off: "No further questions"
    "90 percent sure about....uh.....8!"

    crossing attorney was pretty mad

  2. #142
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    Our Jordan James is completely insane, and it's his life goal to break our attorneys during competition. So far:

    On cross: "Yeah I know Taylor Hopson, she's like, totally awful. We call her the fun dementor because she like... sucks all the fun out of the room." He then made a deafening sucking noise.

    On direct: "Danny Dawson played softball with me this one time. She was totally awful but you know... *exaggerated whispering towards the female judge* we have a woman requirement..."

    Crossing atty: "You were in the bar that night, right?"
    James: "Yeah, the whole thing was super sad, but you know, sometimes life gives and sometimes life takes and it's all part of like, the universe you know? And I guess the universe took Vanessa. Like my cat. Her name is Carol, and she has feline leukemia. It's really sad, but you know, the universe.
    Atty: "Uh, move to strike as non-responsive? Everything but 'yeah'."

    Crossing Atty: "And you think this trial is a waste of time, don't you?"J
    James: "Yeah, you're wasting my time! I want to go home so I can break up with my boyfriend before Valentine's day!"

    Directing Atty: "Why are you in court today Mr. James?"
    James: "Well some attorneys came into my bar and said I had to come in and I was like "no?" and they were like "not a question..." so here I am.

  3. #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockingoff View Post
    Our Jordan James is completely insane, and it's his life goal to break our attorneys during competition. So far:

    On cross: "Yeah I know Taylor Hopson, she's like, totally awful. We call her the fun dementor because she like... sucks all the fun out of the room." He then made a deafening sucking noise.

    On direct: "Danny Dawson played softball with me this one time. She was totally awful but you know... *exaggerated whispering towards the female judge* we have a woman requirement..."

    Crossing atty: "You were in the bar that night, right?"
    James: "Yeah, the whole thing was super sad, but you know, sometimes life gives and sometimes life takes and it's all part of like, the universe you know? And I guess the universe took Vanessa. Like my cat. Her name is Carol, and she has feline leukemia. It's really sad, but you know, the universe.
    Atty: "Uh, move to strike as non-responsive? Everything but 'yeah'."

    Crossing Atty: "And you think this trial is a waste of time, don't you?"J
    James: "Yeah, you're wasting my time! I want to go home so I can break up with my boyfriend before Valentine's day!"

    Directing Atty: "Why are you in court today Mr. James?"
    James: "Well some attorneys came into my bar and said I had to come in and I was like "no?" and they were like "not a question..." so here I am.
    The last quote sounds super familiar I swear you used that against my team, I think I went against your team. Were you at Eastern Michigan?

  4. #144
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    Our Pat Lawrence: "I brought Dawson so many screwdrivers, I was about to call her a toolbox."


    So bad.

  5. #145
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    CX of London Bennett--

    CX Atty: "Mr. Dawson kept saying two words specifically, didn't he?"
    CX Atty: "Jack and Ginger."

    Opposing Counsel: "Objection, your honor, misstates evidence. That's three words."

    -------

    London Bennett was played as a very old elderly woman who couldn't walk...She took 15 seconds to get to the stand by slow hobble. (PS I wanted to impeach her by asking how she uses her shotgun to shoot animals lols) -- but our Foster goes up to her after she testifies and asks if she'd like any help walking and went to take her cane. Let's say...she declined.

    -------

    CX Of Danny Dawson

    CX Atty: (quite soft spoken) "You then..you took out a radar detector, didn't you?"
    Witness: (EXTREMELY LOUD/ATTITUDE) -- "I most CERTAINLY DID NOT..."
    CX Atty: ..."You sure...?"

  6. #146
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    So let me understand you correctly, you were outside at almost midnight painting images of raindrops in the dark?

    Well, I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed.
    Better to be hated by a few than loved by all.

  7. #147
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    She is kinda hot for a dead girl.
    Better to be hated by a few than loved by all.

  8. #148
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    Judge (in response to an objection by defense): Why are you objecting? It seems to me like prosecution is just beating a dead horse. Im going to let them continue if thats what they think is best.
    Defense attorney: You're right your honor, I guess I was just looking out for the horse.


  9. #149
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    "Objection your honor, I dont like that word."
    "And why is that counselor?"
    "It just makes my witness look dumber than he *already* is."
    *sigh*

  10. #150
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lieutenant_Kaffee View Post
    Bye-Buster Foster Re-direct with Ex-Navy Presiding Judge -

    Attorney: Officer Foster, what kind of accidents have you seen on Canyon Road?
    Foster: I've seen single-car fatalities all the time. But the worst accident I've seen was when a speeding car crashed head-on into a school bus instantly killing 8 children.
    Attorney: So in your opinion, should you have been out as opposing counsel has said - "trying to save lives" - instead of watching this road with your radar gun?
    Foster: Son, we live in a world that has roads. And those roads have to be guarded by men with guns - radar guns.
    Opposing Counsel: Objection, the witness is non-responsive.
    Judge: Overruled.
    Foster: <turns to opposing counsel> I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly imagine. You weep for Vanessa, and you curse me. But you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Vanessa’s death – while tragic – probably saved lives.
    I dont know whats more impressive. That someone managed to wiggle Jack Nicholson into a cross, or that the judge didn't hold everyone in contempt.
    "Either way, I dont give a DAMN what you think you're entitled to."

  11. #151
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    Timekeeper: aaaaaaaand, time!
    Directing attorney: *deer in headlights*
    Crossing attorney: uhm, your honor, I very well could be mistaken, but i don't think the clock was stopped for objections..
    Timekeeper:……Oh…..Sorry..yeah keep going

  12. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by DualityofMan View Post
    Another Bye Busting Round at the Guardian Invitational with a Navy JAG officer as the presiding judge.
    Decided to see how many "A Few Good Men" quotes I could slip into my crosses and objections.

    After the first couple the presiding judge starts to get it and I am crossing Smith.
    I am getting increasingly aggressive just begging for an objection from the DA.
    Finally get the objection requesting that I allow the witness to finish his answer, I almost cut off opposing counsel with a terse "I'D LIKE AN ANSWER TO THE QUESTION JUDGE" the presiding had to cover his mouth for a full minute before gravely answering " The witness will answer the question."
    success

  13. #153
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    CA: "Objection, speculation!"
    Judge: "Sustained!"
    DA: (Stands still for about 25 seconds) "This is just uncomfortable for everyone" (Sits down)

  14. #154
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    the judge in our round after opposing council objected to our attorney asking Foster to say the alphabet backwards: "No. Sustained. He could have dyslexia for all we know".

  15. #155
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    Cullen XX on Sullivan's phone call comments:

    DX: "Objection, Hearsay."
    CX: "Your honor, This fall under an exception to hearsay, excited utterance. Having her daughter die was certainly the most exciting moment in Mrs. Sullivan's life!"

  16. #156
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    Judge in Round 4 at the Memphis ORCS: "If you enter the well without permission my imaginary bailiff will imaginary shoot you". We had one casualty.

  17. #157
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    Hamilton ORCS

    CX: Now, Dr. Smith, you told us on Direct you have a PhD in Biostatistics?!?
    Dr. Smith: Yes.......
    CX: You're sure about that?
    Smith: ........yes?

    (CX goes to hand the CV to Smith)
    Directing Attorney: Objection, your honor. The document hasn't been entered into evidence. However.....we're willing to wave all objections to the CV.
    Confused Judge: Ok....so admitted.

    CX: Dr Smith, tell us where on here it says you have a PhD!
    Smith: ....right here, line four, it says "1982. University of Washington. Doctorate."
    CX: But it doesn't say PhD, does it?!?!?
    (pause)
    Smith: I'm sorry if there is any confusion, counselor....but a doctorate is a PhD.
    CX:.......oh.

  18. #158
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    Quote Originally Posted by G.I. Joe Mansueto View Post
    but a doctorate is a PhD.
    Not necessarily.

  19. #159
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    Truth! Juris Doctorate. But in the case of Smith it is.

  20. #160
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azmodai2 View Post
    Truth! Juris Doctorate. But in the case of Smith it is.
    All PhD's are doctorates but not all doctorates are PhD's. Slight distinction.

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