Ridiculous Quotes 2011-2012

[JohnnieC]

Truth! Juris Doctorate. But in the case of Smith it is.

All PhD's are doctorates but not all doctorates are PhD's. Slight distinction.

[Case_In_Paint]

Officer Foster: Vanessa Sullivan was sitting in the front seat like this *Slouches over and does his best "mangled body" expression*

inb4 olive oyl joke

[captainbowtie]

"The only rutting you saw was before she made the big accident?"

[mocktrial96]

CX: "That car had windows, didn't it Mr. Roman?"
Roman: "Yes, I believe this model did... some models do not."

[Lyokoboy]

Old Lady Bennett: Mr. Peeches is my greyhound, not my man-friend.

Avery Smith or Ashley Norton: (nerd looking witness): People normally don't believe me, but I study alcohol for a living

Jordan James CX: I wish I could stare @ Danny all day long.

[LucyintheSky9]

(Opposing) Opening Attorney for Prosecution - "Danny Dawson chose to drink, and Danny Dawson chose to drive... but Vanessa Sullivan never... chose... to... die."

Crossing Attorney - "And you told the 911 dispatcher that you just saw a car go careening off the side of the road. Isn't that correct?"
(Our) London Bennett for Defense (in a ridiculously Southern accent) - "I don't believe that I said careening. I don't normally use that word in my general vocabulary, Ma'am."
Crossing Attorney (walks back, gets affidavit and proceeds to impeach our witness on the fact that he did use the word careening in his affidavit that was taken over a year ago).
(Our) London Bennett - "Yeah, okay, I guess I did use that word back then. Yeah, now that I think about it... I really like that word, careening. That's a fancy word, careening, careening, careening. Yeah, I like the way it feels in my mouth when I say it. Careening."

One of our attorneys, during our first (ever) trial, while fighting an objection while crossing a prosecution witness: "Your honor, my client's drunken habits are irrelevant."

Me (Crossing Attorney) - It's possible to burp without making a sound, is it not, Dr. Smith?
(Opposing) Avery Smith - No.
Me - Dr. Smith, is it your testimony for this court that as a doctor you have never known someone to burp without making a sound?
Avery Smith - Yes.
(Later on in the round)
(Our) Danny Dawson - (covers her mouth while answering a question and puffs out her cheeks a bit, but does not make a sound). "Excuse me. I'm sorry, I have some trouble with acid reflux, especially when I'm nervous or upset. It some times makes me a bit gassy."

(Different Tournament)
Me (Crossing Attorney) - And those who suffer from acid reflux normally do not show any observational signs of their condition.
Avery Smith - No. Actually, many outward symptoms can be observed if someone is suffering from acid reflux.
Me - Really? What kind of observational symptoms would one have, Dr. Smith?
Avery Smith - Well... In most cases, and in my own case as well, as I suffer from acid reflux... I have many observational symptoms from my condition.
Me - Oh. Hmm. I also suffer from acid reflux, but I don't suffer from any outward symptoms. Oh, and by the way, I think you look and smell great.
I moved on to my next question without missing a beat and he was still staring at me with a blank look on his face. He had to ask me to repeat the question.

(Opposing) Patty Lawrence - "...and then she came up to me for some pills, and I was like "What!" I couldn't believe she was asking me that. For God sakes! Patty Lawerence ain't no drug dealer!"

(Opposing) Jordan James - "Oh, no. I was watching her all night. Even when she wasn't at the bar, or even when I was up playing my gig, I can't keep my eyes off that girl, so I knew what she was doing all.night.long. (Turns directly to the male judge), you know what I'm talking about, don't you? Look at the way that blouse clings to her, am I right?"

Attorney - Where do you work?
Sam Lyons - At Midlands Triple A Cab Company.
Attorney - And what do you do for a living?
Sam Lyons (Looks at his directing attorney like he's an absolute moron) - Well, Counselor, I work at a Taxi Cab company here in Midlands, so I must be a cabdriver. Do we have to rub it in?! I could have been somebody... (trails off, and looks down solemnly).

[untermensch]

Attorney - Where do you work?
Sam Lyons - At Midlands Triple A Cab Company.
Attorney - And what do you do for a living?
Sam Lyons (Looks at his directing attorney like he's an absolute moron) - Well, Counselor, I work at a Taxi Cab company here in Midlands, so I must be a cabdriver. Do we have to rub it in?! I could have been somebody... (trails off, and looks down solemnly).

Maybe he washes cars, does accounting, does dispatch, does janitorial work at their depot, etc etc etc.

[Myth]

SHE KNEW... she just didn't care.

Can't wait until next year Sarah.

Careenin'.