Dude's vision is more like Oedipus than an oracle.
Dude's vision is more like Oedipus than an oracle.
How did Northwood end up in the "East?" U-Mich is east of us and they're in the "Middle"
Let’s work our way down the list of teams. I won’t have much to say about the individual performers, since commentator-claiming-to-be-the-long-lost-king-of-Perjuries number #42 doesn’t have much to say about them either. It’s hard to argue with someone who gestures wildly towards a group of people and says, “Some of those ones are good,” although that won’t stop me from trying.
Virginia is first because of their “consistent dominance” in the fall and invitational seasons? What dominance? Using Virginia’s success rate to justify claims of supremacy this season is like saying a dog is house trained because even though he pees all over the house, he always craps outside. What has Virginia actually dominated this year? Regional tournaments like the Spider Invite or their Regional Tournament? The GAMTI, which saw much of its top competition leeched away by the Red Carpet? I’ll give them CUBAIT, but I’ll also give all of you a reminder that every time Virginia encounters the full field of national competitors, they fall disappointingly short of the podium’s peak. At Beach Party they took fourth and at Downtown they took third after dropping four ballots to UC Irvine. I won’t weigh in on the UCLA/UCI debate because I think the round between those two teams will be the most contentious and exciting of the year (fingers crossed that it’s the final round), but you can’t claim that Virginia is the best when they lost decisively to the team you put third. On another note, I’m a bit unconvinced of the “potency” of their lineup. Wallace is stable and O’ Donnell is satisfactory, but on the whole their performances leave me underwhelmed, unimpressed, and unable to think of a third word starting with “un.” If you ask me (which you don’t have to), Virginia could use some Viagra to help them stand out...unless that causes their rounds to last longer than four hours, in which case it’s a bad idea.
As I so cleverly alluded just a few sentences ago (that’s called foreshadowing, kids), I think it’s a close call between UC-Irvine and UCLA. While most of the top teams have hit each other at some point, there’s a conspicuous lack of data on how a direct match-up between the Bruins and the Anteaters would shake out. On the other hand, we can all agree that in a direct match-up between a bear and an anteater, the bear would bloodily dismember the anteater before feasting sexually on its scattered remains, so maybe that’s a helpful indicator somehow. Now some of you may say, “But Uncle Drunk! Irvine beat Los Angeles at the Beach Party! Doesn’t that mean you don’t know what you’re talking about?” and to that I courteously reply, “Shut up, Billy! No one loves you except your mother, and she loves me more!” Also, the Beach Party being the product of Justin Berstein’s fetishistic fever dream, it seems likely that both UCI and UCLA were split-stacked for the double-bracket. Until UCLA’s best goes head-to-head and toe-to-toe with UCI’s finest plus Neil Thakor (seriously, the guy is terrible), I can’t make the call.
Georgia is a fun little darkhorse, isn’t it? There’s probably a parallel dimension where Georgia’s team made it to 2011’s final round and then got their posteriors re-gifted to them by NYU’s defense (It’s Co’relous’s dick in a box!). In this dimension, however, they’ve got a big mountain to climb if they want a shot at the trophy. Last year, Georgia’s addiction to invention caught everyone off-guard, but now their name is known and the novelty has worn off. Since the other elite programs know what happens when the Devil goes down to Georgia, I’m sure they’re all bracing for the fight.
On a related note (man, I’m just nailing these transitions), Harvard deserves quite a bit more credit than you give them credit for and will factor much more prominently in the end-of-season action than your rankings predict. If Wallace is good, Jaquet is better and Ballesteros does the whole “starchy and stiff” thing way more effectively than O’ Donnell does. Plus, Harvard has Miranda Belzter. UCLA may have utterly humiliated them in Downtown round five, but they did the same thing to UCLA in round four and took second overall in the rankings. There have been grumblings about the value of individual awards in determining personal skill and it seems to me that those awards are most valuable when the individuals in question are competing directly with each other. The best example of this situation would be, once again, the Downtown, where Wallace got an honorable mention and Jaquet won Best Defense Opener, Best Ryan Foster, and Best Attorney Overall. Yeah, yeah, Virginia won against Harvard during a round at the same tournament, but that didn’t stop you from putting Virginia ahead of Irvine. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander and what’s bad for Chris Ballesteros is probably an attorney with genuine personality. The only people overestimating Harvard’s abilities are Harvard’s members. When people point their noses as far into the air as the Crimson do, it’s no surprise that they can’t smell their own shit and therefore think that it doesn’t smell.
Yay, someone else who likes Patrick Diamond. Now I can start hating on him to fit in with the crowd.
If Miami-OH’s performance last season is being used as an indicator for how they’ll do this season, I guess they can kiss their hopes of winning at Nationals goodbye. I guess that also means I don’t have to spend a lot of time on them.
Once again, the logic of your rankings contradicts itself (though I’d expect nothing less from a religious zealot) with regard to UC Santa Cruz. If Nayak can’t carry Yale (which I agree he can’t), then O’Connor has an equally slim chance of propelling his lackluster teammates to the NCT. As big as that man’s dick may be, he’s still spent the whole season overcompensating for the absence of talent surrounding him. Sorry, Pat, but no matter how many expensive sports cars you buy, you still can’t win tournaments by yourself.
And finally, let’s turn our attention to the oracle of the hour. Your efforts are thoughtful and, like many a good Christian, your intentions seem pleasant, but in the end your so-called “word of the gods” seems about as reliable and sensible as the actual word of God. No one has yet given me a good explanation for why God would expect a flood to kill all life on Earth when so much of that life lives underwater (unless he was hoping a brine solution would eliminate all creatures used to living in purely fresh or saltwater, in which case damn, that’s inefficient) and your illuminations similarly fail to inspire my conversion. Hugs and kisses, hope to hear from ya’ soon!
Last edited by Prodigal Drunk Uncle; 02-19-2012 at 04:24 PM.
O ye of little faith. (And much imagination. How does a bear "feast sexually?")...your so-called “word of the gods” rankings seem about as reliable and sensible as the actual word of God. No one has yet given me a good explanation for why God would expect a flood to kill all life on Earth when so much of that life lives underwater (unless he was hoping a brine solution would eliminate all creatures used to living in purely fresh or saltwater, in which case damn, that’s inefficient) and your illuminations similarly fail to inspire my conversion.
He does it with much enthusiasm.
Why isn't Macalester on that list? The school's A team won regionals this year, (as they have countless times in the past) their B team also made it out of regionals, (taking the only ballot away from Hamline A that tournament) and they were in the top four at Nationals last year. Seems legit to me.
Last edited by DrGoose55; 02-20-2012 at 12:13 AM.
Add #14 Santa Cruz to your list.Your picks for the #12 and #17 teams in the country didn't even make the most basic step towards finishing in the top of a nationals division...qualifying out of regionals.